A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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