Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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