Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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