you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
