I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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