im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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