how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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