i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
