jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
