he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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