Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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