everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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