If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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