My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
