So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
