tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
