just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
