She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
