Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
