I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
