Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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