dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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