oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
