i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
