Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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