Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
