You don't have asthma, your pregnant
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
