im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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