Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
