at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
