So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
