also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
