The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
