wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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