Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
