Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
