Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
