I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
