So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
