don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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