when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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