It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
