he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
