Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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