It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
