Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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