I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
