if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
