they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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