hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
