she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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