hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
