Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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