Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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